College freshman: I keep making plans for my funeral, and they keep getting better!
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Anne
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! …and no babies.
Ball State University
Overheard by: Sara
Girl, nodding to human mess across the way: Is that girl burning holes into a photograph with a cigarette?
Guy: That is frighteningly erotic.
University of South Florida
Normal, fairly cute boy: Excuse me.
Normal, fairly cute girl: Yes? (stops walking)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Are you interested in any global issues? Aids, the environment, human rights?
Normal, fairly cute girl: Honestly, no. (walks away)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Oh. (looks really confused and a little crushed)
University of York
Overheard by: Even I thought it was a bit harsh!
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
Irritated English professor: I think I’m just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”
Female student: I feel like I have a really tough skin, because I was always teased by my dad from the moment I was born.
Male student (in very serious, philosophical tone): Scorn was your breast milk.
University of Southern California
Overheard by: Got milk?
Hippie guy: Did you know he built a whole, like, bum encampment out of logs? Two houses, a refrigerator… Well, there was no electricity but he had a refrigerator out there… He even had a guest bed. And it was all clean, with a bible laying on the bed… He took being a bum to a whole new level.
Humboldt State University
Overheard by: Jenn
Sorority girl to lit class: So she was all saying that I was totally against feminism if I insisted on shaving my legs. And I said she was totally against feminism if she insisted on being a whore!
University of Nebraska
Loud girl: And my mother said to me, “Well, I guess you’re an adult now, since you have adult sex.” And I was like, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” and she was like, “I opened your cupboard.” and I was thinking, “Oh shit!” because I’ve got a lot of shit in there. I’ve got porn, I’ve got a vibrator, a cock ring. I’ve got things she doesn’t even know what to call them!
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Remnick