New Jersey

Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I’m not a seal.
Friend: Why?
Stoner teen girl: ‘Cause just look at the poor things — it’s so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.

Camden Aquarium
Camden, New Jersey

Overheard by: maryjane

Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C’mon, honey, you’ll like it!
Tearful four‐year‐old boy: I don’t wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)

Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey

Overheard by: not EVERYONE

Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it’s thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I’ll show you!

High School
Skillman, New Jersey

Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they’re talking about.

Girl: She looked like a mix between a Christmas ham and a hooker.

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: NS

Mom: That’s Hollister. Remember what I told you about Hollister?
Toddler girl: Hollister.
Mom: Hollister is for po‐sers.
Toddler girl: Posers.
Mom: Po‐sers.
Toddler girl, giggling excitedly: Posers!

Garden State Plaza
Paramus, New Jersey

Overheard by: Sar

Four‐year‐old boy: But Mommy, I don’t need gravity! I just had to pee!

New Jersey

Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That’s fantastic!

City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: entertained witness

Roomie #1: I wonder what ever happened to James*. I mean, we haven’t seen him since fifth grade. I hope he’s not in a mental home or something — him and his weird mom. Maybe he’s finally doing what he’s always wanted to do: work with dinosaurs.
Roomie #2: Yeah, or living with them.
Roomie #1: That is sooo true.

Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: i love dinosaurs

Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.

Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey

Conductor: Next and final stop: Atlantic City, folks!
(several passengers give confused and bewildered looks)
Conductor: Yeah, I changed my mind. I don’t like Trenton.

Trenton, New Jersey

Overheard by: passenger