Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I’ve been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
Girl #1: At least he didn’t say what JD said to me the other night. He said I was boring in the bedroom because I didn’t try new things.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
Girl #1: Yeah and I told him, well how am I supposed to know what to do? I was a virgin before you. Well, not literally a virgin, but close enough!
Girl #2: So what are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, I told him that when we go on vacation, we can have a threesome. But it has to be someone I’ll never see again.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Slutgers Girl
Health teacher: Man, you girls these days! Wanting to have all the wrong kinds of fun… You know what, if a vagina was used by 15 different people, that vagina would probably be as wide as this door!
McNair Academic High School
Jersey City, New Jersey
Liberal student, passing photo of cute baby: Aw… [realizing it’s an ad for campus pro-life group] … Ugh.
Princeton University
New Jersey
Man on cell: I wouldn’t worry about her though, she’s dead.
Newark airport
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: catherine
College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people’s clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.
Newark, New Jersey
Guy in crowd evacuated from theater due to fire alarm: This is all a marketing trick… Just watch — any minute now one of those fire trucks is going to transform!
Transformers showing, AMC Theatre
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Dunkin’ Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on — I’m a nice guy.
Dunkin’ Donuts chick: Well, I haven’t tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
60-ish lady: If it weren’t for Dancing with the Stars, I don’t know what we’d be watching!
Whole Foods
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Blonde: You know the bases? If third base is sex, then what is a home run?
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: my friends are really dumb sometimes…
