Chick: I was just in the bathroom trying to throw up, and I just can’t do it! I just gag. A penis can make me throw up, but my own two fingers cant… I hate giving blowjobs.

Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: BTON

Girl on cell: He had stubby fingers. Little stubby butcher’s fingers. You wouldn’t want to feel those caressing your body… He was a good lay, though.


Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!

Public Restroom

(two guys peeing next to each other at the urinals)
Pretty boy #1: I think I have sensitive wrists.
Pretty boy #2: You have sensitive nipples!

Bowling Alley Bathroom
Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: Liz

Professor: I can assume people don't walk on their hands, but some people might do it to fool me, because I have a robot.

George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia

Overheard by: NoRobot

Guy to another: Don't shake my hand, dude, it's still got pussy on it!

Men's Bathroom
Bar, Alabama

Overheard by: So glad I don't live here anymore

Mom passing rows of whole fish: When I was a little girl, I used to poke their raw eyeballs with my finger!
Little boy: Wow!

Pike Market
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: wow indeed

Son to father, exiting hospital: Dad, what's a disability?
Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.


Overheard by: Jon

Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand…
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.

Bayonne, New Jersey

Girl #1: His penis was huge, like 12 inches! He was holding it and his hand looked so tiny!
Girl #2: No wonder he doesn't get any play, that shit hurts!
Girl #3: Yeah, it would like come out my ass!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Just 2