Chick: Okay, here’s your hundred thousand dollars, and there’s the mall. And I’ll just be sitting here sprouting a penis.

Carrboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Li’l Bit

Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.

Florian bar

Overheard by: And I used to go out with her

College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)

Overheard by: a lil.

Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?

Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Hadn't seen it

Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women's tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women's tights make your junk look bigger!

Commuter Train

Overheard by: strictly boxers.

Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it's thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I'll show you!

High School
Skillman, New Jersey

Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they're talking about.

Teen #1: So he's running around with his dick like slapping his abs and he goes “what time you wanna come over?”
Teen #2: His Puerto Rican dick?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2, sighing dreamily: Oh yeahhhhh.

Flinder's Street Station

Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!

Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Tiger Fan

High school girl to friend: You know what I hate? Cocks.
Friend: I know! They're so annoying.


Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can’t get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!

Tempe, Arizona