Fourth grade student: All the guys in France have big schlongs.


Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn’t!
Girl: You couldn’t get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.

Elkhart, Indiana

Overheard by: ashley

Dock worker #1: Well, personally, I prefer a nice, stiff rod.
Dock worker #2: Really, a stiff one?
Dock worker #3: I’ve got a stiff rod for you, motherfucker.
Dock worker #1: We’re talking about bass fishing here, asshole.

Tracy, California

Overheard by: Ken Lane

Biology professor: No, penises don’t just fall off. Guys, you have nothing to worry about.

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Chicken

Chick: I was just in the bathroom trying to throw up, and I just can’t do it! I just gag. A penis can make me throw up, but my own two fingers cant… I hate giving blowjobs.

Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: BTON

Chick: Okay, here’s your hundred thousand dollars, and there’s the mall. And I’ll just be sitting here sprouting a penis.

Carrboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Li’l Bit

Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.

Florian bar

Overheard by: And I used to go out with her

College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)

Overheard by: a lil.

Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?

Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Hadn't seen it

Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women's tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women's tights make your junk look bigger!

Commuter Train

Overheard by: strictly boxers.