Drunken 50-year-old to his penis: Come on! Pee! Pee until you can’t pee no more, bitch.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Hiding Roommate

Big black woman acting as bathroom attendant: Welcome, beautiful ladies, to the best urination station in the nation! A big pee at the Big E! Stall 5 is open! Okay, we've got a full house, so I wanna hear some flushin'! Ma'am, go to numba 2, let it flow through! Pee as comfortably as you can, cause we all know this place was built by a man! The stalls are too small, haha!

Bathroom, Big E Fairgrounds
Springfield, Massachusetts

20-something girl: When you go pee first thing in the morning, do you ever make a bunch of noises and you're not sure if they 're coming from your hoo-haw or your ass?
Friend: Umm…no.
20-something girl: Yeah, me neither.

University of Missouri
Columbia, Missouri

Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!


Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!

Redding, California

Four-year-old boy: But Mommy, I don’t need gravity! I just had to pee!

New Jersey

Tough guy at urinal: So you live around here?
Tough guy at different urinal: Nope, just pee here.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: Cameron

Receptionist to executive assistant: …so in conclusion, I got peed on…by a taxi driver…who I dated.

Overheard by: Ian

Little girl pointing to handicapped sink: Mommy, do you know what that’s for?
Mom: It’s a sink for people in wheelchairs, honey.
Little girl: No! It’s where boys pee!

Bathroom, JCPenney’s
Forest Park, Georgia

Overheard by: Kelly

Volunteer director to group of teenage volunteers: Now, ya gotta be careful or the tractor tires will catch on fire.
Teenage volunteers: (incredulous laughter)
Volunteer director: No, seriously! Last year they caught on fire and I totally had to pee on them!

Sonoma County, California

Overheard by: where was I last year?!