Pee

Girl #1: Oh my god, I just peed for, like, a hundred years.
Girl #2: Do you ever get scared that the toilet bowl will fill up and the water will touch your bum?
Girl #1: Yes.
Girl #2: Oh my god, me too.

Ladies’ room, Fenway-area bar
Boston, Massachusetts

Loud hobo with wet pant leg: I pissed my pants! I got to get home to my wife to show her I pissed my pants! I got to teach my kids how not to piss their pants! I can’t believe I pissed my pants!

Washington, DC

Chick: Oh my god, Marissa! I just met a guy who’s looking for a girl to pee on him.
Marissa: I would totally do that!
Chick: I know! That’s why I told you.
Marissa: Let’s go find him!

Nightlight Lounge
Bellingham, Washington

Teen girl #1: When you drink a lot of water your piss get really clear.
Teen girl #2: Nuh-uh! I drink water all the time and my piss is still pink.

Teaneck High School
Teaneck, New Jersey

Overheard by: southernbelle

Woman to herself: I love the smell of the subway!
Passerby: You know it’s primarily piss, right?

Consolação subway
São Paulo
Brazil

Drunken 50-year-old to his penis: Come on! Pee! Pee until you can’t pee no more, bitch.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Hiding Roommate

Big black woman acting as bathroom attendant: Welcome, beautiful ladies, to the best urination station in the nation! A big pee at the Big E! Stall 5 is open! Okay, we've got a full house, so I wanna hear some flushin'! Ma'am, go to numba 2, let it flow through! Pee as comfortably as you can, cause we all know this place was built by a man! The stalls are too small, haha!

Bathroom, Big E Fairgrounds
Springfield, Massachusetts

20-something girl: When you go pee first thing in the morning, do you ever make a bunch of noises and you're not sure if they 're coming from your hoo-haw or your ass?
Friend: Umm…no.
20-something girl: Yeah, me neither.

University of Missouri
Columbia, Missouri

Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!

Airport
Minnesota

Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!

Redding, California