Lady: I don’t like her. She smells like the bottom of someone’s purse.

Overheard by: mk

Angry security guard lady: Hey! There’s no smoking out here!
Smoker guy #1, wearing dark shades and not sorry: Sorry, we didn’t know.
Angry security guard lady: Well, there’s a sign right next to you.
Smoker guy #2, wearing dark shades: We’re blind — that’s why we’re at the Eye Center.
Security guard lady, laughing loudly: Hahaha! Well, okay!

Kellogg Eye Center
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Ewan Macpherson

Chick: … So then he started talking about feelings and stuff, and how we only have sex and we never talk anymore! [Friend nods.] Like, sometimes after we do it he tries to cuddle with me, and all I can think about is, ‘Damn, I really just want to sleep…’ So, do I break up with him?

Overheard by:

Blonde: I heard guys like big girls now.
Brunette: Excuse me while I vomit.

School bathroom
Newark, New Jersey

Girl #1: I hate being stalked over Facebook. They’re also creepy guys that I’m not interested in. They are just wasting their time and mine.
Girl #2: It can’t be that bad, can it?
Girl #1: You don’t understand — you’re not pretty like me.

Overheard by: kolby

Biotech: Wow. That girl wears clothes like she’s not fat, and that’s funny.


Overheard by: dev

Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].

São Paulo

Biotech on cell: Oh my god, she is so stupid! She goes home all the freaking time. Like, just last weekend she had to go home for her dying friend.

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas

Plus‐size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus‐size sistah: I dunno. It’s still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus‐size sistah: It’s been three days. I can’t reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That’s nasty! And if you askin’ what I think you askin’, you can forget it!

Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Joe

Woman on cell: I totally didn’t recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make‐up before surgery.

Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas