Dutch employee: Well, I don’t like your American style and I don’t like your American way, and I don’t want to speak English anymore [walks off].
American chick, to colleagues: Keep that bitch away from me or she’s dead.

Major bank

Old hag: Sometimes I forget I’m married. I guess if my husband was rich I wouldn’t forget about him, but he not.

Overheard by: anonymous

Native girl #1: Fuck you.
Native girl #2, annoyed: You piss me off to my titties.


Overheard by: pissed off

Lady: I don’t like her. She smells like the bottom of someone’s purse.

Overheard by: mk

Angry security guard lady: Hey! There’s no smoking out here!
Smoker guy #1, wearing dark shades and not sorry: Sorry, we didn’t know.
Angry security guard lady: Well, there’s a sign right next to you.
Smoker guy #2, wearing dark shades: We’re blind — that’s why we’re at the Eye Center.
Security guard lady, laughing loudly: Hahaha! Well, okay!

Kellogg Eye Center
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Ewan Macpherson

Chick: … So then he started talking about feelings and stuff, and how we only have sex and we never talk anymore! [Friend nods.] Like, sometimes after we do it he tries to cuddle with me, and all I can think about is, ‘Damn, I really just want to sleep…’ So, do I break up with him?

Overheard by:

Blonde: I heard guys like big girls now.
Brunette: Excuse me while I vomit.

School bathroom
Newark, New Jersey

Girl #1: I hate being stalked over Facebook. They’re also creepy guys that I’m not interested in. They are just wasting their time and mine.
Girl #2: It can’t be that bad, can it?
Girl #1: You don’t understand — you’re not pretty like me.

Overheard by: kolby

Biotech: Wow. That girl wears clothes like she’s not fat, and that’s funny.


Overheard by: dev

Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].

São Paulo