Bus drivers

Bus 20 operator to dispatch: Yeah, there are a lot of warning signals on that I’ve never seen before. Should I be worried?


Overheard by: the blankenships

Man to another, letting him board bus first: I always say, ‘Age before beauty.’
Bus driver: I always say, ‘Somebody get on the damn bus.’

Bus, Belmont Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Bardley

Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)


Overheard by: Yugan Dali

Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.

NJ Transit Bus

Eccentric driver's ed student: Sometimes I really just like to sniff my pants. (leans forward and sniffs his pants)

Northport, New York

Overheard by: Jessica

Tour bus driver to American girl: So you aren't doing the glacier hike?
American girl: No way! No one is making me walk up some icy hill!

Fox Glacier
New Zealand

Bus driver: Push back, push back! Don't be afraid! Hold somebody's hand, tell 'em you love 'em!

57 Bus
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Smallison

Bus driver: So who else is gonna be there?
Passenger: Chicken boy will be there.
Bus driver: “Chicken boy”?
Passenger: Yeah, you know Dave*. That fool always smells like chicken! I always thought it was just me but at a party last week Elizabeth* and her friends all called him “chicken boy” too!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Dawn

Little boy to tour bus driver: Thank you.
Bus driver: Now that's a sign of good parenting.
Parent, as he steps off bus: Yeah. We're takin' him on a whiskey tour.

Jack Daniels Distillery
Lynchburg, Tennessee

City bus driver, at the beginning of his shift: My name is Bob, I'll be your new bus driver. I'll be taking this bus down University to… some mall. I don't know where we're going, heh. I'm new.  I will drive very carefully… unless you piss me off. 

Des Moines, Iowa