College dude on cell: It will be the same thing — we’ll go out drinking, she’ll drink too much, she’ll cry on my shirt, and then she’ll pass out and I’ll have to carry her home. Happens every time… Because, dude, she’s my girlfriend. It’s what we do… Because! It’s what everyone does.
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: not his girlfriend
Girl: I always clean the sheets. You never notice, but I always clean the sheets.
Guy: What? We don’t even have sheets on the bed right now.
Girl: And do you want to know why we don’t have sheets on the bed? Because the other night, after you’d bled on them–
Guy: –I bled on them because you kicked me.
Girl: I did not kick you! It was that mole — that mole that started bleeding, which I’m very concerned about, by the way. Your mole shouldn’t just start bleeding like that. But anyway, I had just cleaned the sheets, and then your mole bled on them, and I went to clean them again and I thought, ‘Why don’t I see how long it would take him to notice there aren’t even sheets on the bed?’ So that’s why we haven’t had sheets on the bed for a month.
12th and Locust
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Twink #1: I don’t want to just date him for the weekend — I want something for the rest of my life.
Twink #2: You could die Sunday. That would be the rest of your life.
The Hippo
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What ‘we’?! I told you, I’m breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding…
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.
Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Girl: Are you getting married?
Preggers: Don’t know — maybe… If we get along okay.
Bar
New York
Fat lady crying into cell: I know he’s married, but I don’t understand why he’s dumping me!
Colonie Center Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: conflicted
Pretty boy: Andy! I thought you not-gay-loved me!
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Girl #1: My friend just got a new boyfriend. She met him in the library.
Girl #2: What? I’m always in the library! Why don’t I have a boyfriend?
http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/04/long-time-no-update.html
Overheard by: yager
Girl #1: So, why did you dump him?
Girl #2: Because he was, like, really creepy!
Girl #1: What? Oh my god! How? He was perfect…!
Girl #2: Yeah, but he said he fantasized about eating babies.
Girl #1: So what?
Girl #2: … Oh my god! I am so glad you convinced me to stay with him! You’re right. He’s totally perfect.
Girl #1: So, you don’t care about the fact he wants to eat babies?
Girl #2: Well, that way at least if I got pregnant I, like, wouldn’t have to go to the doctor’s office to get rid of it!
Girl #1: Yeah, I love saving time.
http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/04/05/whats-funnier-than-a-half-eaten-dead-baby-a-half-eaten-dead-baby-with-marinara-sauce/
Engineer #1: What’s the deal with you and your two friends? What do you need two for?
Engineer #2: Hey! I like my friends! Both of them.
http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/03/overdue-posting-new-blog-sweet.html
Overheard by: charlie
