Massachusetts

Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I’m not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I saw it on TV.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rachel

Dude: So, you’re from Austria, huh?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, like, kangaroos and shit?
Austrian foreign student: No, that’s Australia. Austria’s in Europe.
Dude: Oh, like Sound of Music?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: Like Lederhosen! Fahrvergnügen! Schwarzenegger!
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, do you believe in Hitler? [Austrian walks off.]

Boston, Massachusetts

Man browsing anime collection: [Sneezes.]Bystander: God bless you.
Man browsing anime collection: Yes, yes, I am blessed.

Newbury Comics, Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: sinner

Girl #1: Oh my god, I just peed for, like, a hundred years.
Girl #2: Do you ever get scared that the toilet bowl will fill up and the water will touch your bum?
Girl #1: Yes.
Girl #2: Oh my god, me too.

Ladies’ room, Fenway-area bar
Boston, Massachusetts

Girl on cell: How did the labia reduction go?

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Hello, you’re in freakin’ public!

Drunk skater #1: Yeah, he’s gotten a lot nicer since he got butt-raped in France.
Drunk skater #2: Yeah, I heard about that. Is that true?

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Michael

Mom trying to remove splinter from son’s hand: I’m sorry it hurts. When we get home you can take a bath. Sometimes that helps splinters come out.
Toddler, in between sobs: Okay… And this time I’ll try not to poop in the tub.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Hannah

Queer: Oh my god, that girl’s dress is so short. I swear her outer labia were hanging out.

Sunset Grill and Tap
Boston, Massachusetts

Drunk chick on cell: Wait! You didn’t like Shaun of the Dead? What’s wrong with you? Never mind, you can’t stick it in me.

Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Shotboy

Hobo: Hello, little girl.
Four-year-old girl: I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.
Hobo: Well, your vagina smells like vomit! [Mother gasps.]

Amherst, Massachusetts