Big black lady in checkout lane: This place is a hell of a lot better than Wal-Mart.
Companion: Tell me about it.
Big black lady: Last time I was in there, my blood pressure was, like, eight hundred over five hundred.
Companion: Mmm-hm.
Big black lady: I was seeing stars. Pretty colors, though. Man, I should not have seen cats.
Target, Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: amused cashier
10-year-old girl on broken bike: This is why I hate my life!
Campground
Ohio
Girl with squeaky shoes, to mom: Not only am I looking pudgy today, but these shoes keep making fart sounds! I’m wearing fart-shoes, and I hope you’re satisfied!
Kohl’s
Framingham, Massachusetts
Hoochie: I strategically wore a skirt and he didn’t even try anything!
West Campus
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Molly
Hobo to cardboard box that fell out of his cart: I hate you with a passion! A very strong passion! And a very strong hate…
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lindsay
Girl in lunch line: Why are there fucking bamboo shoots in this stir fry? What do they think I am, a koala?!
Wellesley College
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Drunk mother to drunk daughter: Your sister is appearing on stage nude and you’re living with a lesbian! I raised you girls too liberal!
Chez Charlie’s Cocktails
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: MustangSally
Ghetto hoochie stoner: I can’t remember nothin’ ’bout nothin’. My long-term memory is ’bout to get shot.
Outside of City Hall
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Old lady to friend: … And the husband’s given up the Viagra for Lent, so I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself!
Dublin
Ireland
Overheard by: future old lady
Dutch employee: Well, I don’t like your American style and I don’t like your American way, and I don’t want to speak English anymore [walks off].
American chick, to colleagues: Keep that bitch away from me or she’s dead.
Major bank
Amsterdam
Netherlands
