Dude to older lady: What do you mean, you don’t know what a hooker is? [To security guard] Hey, tell my mother what a hooker is.

Columbus, Ohio

Stoner: That’s like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.

100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Woman to man: She fucked the lobster?

Cincinnati, Ohio

Black teen girl to friend: He was like “you’re so high you don’t even know what to do!” and I was like “nigga, this ain’t the first time I smoked!”

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Hancock

Mom: Now think very hard, honey. Use your noggin.
Son, after long pause: I think my noggin is empty.


Little girl #1 (holding a Patrick Star toy): Mommy, mommy! Can I get this?
Scary mom: No.
Little girl #1: Why?
Scary mom: Because last time we bought one of those was the day you had your seizure.
Little girl #1 (running around the store and flapping her arms): My seizure, my seizure!
Little girl #2 (also running and flapping): Your seizure, your seizure!

Kings Island, Ohio

Guy to girl: Actually, no. I personally hate the idea of having a plastic trash bag on my cock.

Stow, Ohio

Overheard by: d

(two guys peeing next to each other at the urinals)
Pretty boy #1: I think I have sensitive wrists.
Pretty boy #2: You have sensitive nipples!

Bowling Alley Bathroom
Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: Liz

Drunk girl: Oh! So you’re not going to go home with your girlfriend when she is asking you and her roommate isn’t even home! Oh! Oh! (boyfriend whispers something to her) I don’t care if I’m on my period or not!

University of Dayton
Dayton, Ohio

Mom doing magazine quiz to teenage sons: Spanish can’t be one of the world’s top languages. The only Spanish‐speaking country is Mexico.

Cincinnati, Ohio