Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don’t have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!
Target
Baltimore, Maryland
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It’s not absolute.
Hubby: It isn’t?
Wifey: No. You’re not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Teenage girl: Ohmigod, guess what!
Boyfriend: What?
Teenage girl: I just ran over a possum and it humped my car!
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That’s it? Just “yep”?
Husband: Looks very different. It’ll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Tipsy girlfriend, playing “Never Have I Ever”: Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Angry guy to girlfriend at an art festival: How can you be allergic to a color?
Tempe, Arizona
Little old lady to husband: I don’t care how many times you’ve washed it or how clean it is! I’ve lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I’m not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
