Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]Girl: Not by you, but, you know…

Toronto, Ontario

(40‐something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn’t meant to be faithful. We’re all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I’ll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.

Ocala, Florida

Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O’Henry while pooing.


Overheard by: Alywishus

Black guy: You keep hearing about how racist Britain’s getting, it’s pretty scary.
White girlfriend: Oh, totally. I think that before anyone in that country over 40 is allowed to make a public statement they should take a test that’s like “is this quaint, or just racist?” and if they fail they shouldn’t be allowed to say anything.
Black guy: That would be an awesome game show.


19‐year‐old girlfriend: You’re a silly goose!
19‐year‐old boyfriend: You are too!
19‐year‐old girlfriend: That’s why we are dating!

Memphis, Tennessee

Girl to boyfriend: Why’d you go and tell all the guys on the fifth floor that I have some crazy fetish with lubricating foods?
Guy: I didn’t say anything!
Girl: Well, they were talking about the Nutella.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Laura G.

Fireman: Yeah, so we were all standing around waiting for this suicidal guy to do whatever, and then we got hungry.
Girlfriend: So what did you all do?
Fireman: We went back to the station and made hot dogs.
Girlfriend: What about the guy?
Fireman: I mean, the cops were still there, and we got back before anything happened. Or, well, before anything eventful happened.
Girlfriend: What kind of hot dogs were they?

Target line
Atlanta, Georgia

Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.

Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey

Fat guy: You wanna see a hot picture?
Girlfriend: Yeah, I wanna see a hot picture.
Fat guy: It’s me with no shirt on… And I was rubbin’ m’nipples.

Columbia High School
Maplewood, New Jersey

Man: You spunt all our money!
Woman: Fuck you! You spunt the money — that’s who spunt the money!

Wichita, Kansas