Woman: How would I know if you just found out?
Man, her fiancé: Well, shouldn’t you know before I know?
Woman: I never do that to myself — you do that for me!
Man: Well, it was all over my finger afterwards and under my nail — you must be on your visitor.
Woman: I didn’t know I was getting my visitor until you had some on your hand.
Man: Well, don’t you look inside yourself?! Go look inside yourself and tell me what you see!
Winking Lizard Tavern
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Boyfriend: You want to hang out after your last class?
Girlfriend: I can’t. I have to get a Tetris shot.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Emily
Husband, after girl he knew left table: That was Joe’s* little sister’s friend.
Wife: The one he fucked in the ass?
Husband: No, that was somebody else. This one only blew him.
Wife: Oh. She seems nice.
Diner
Long Island, New York
Guy: Hello, pot, this is the kettle! You’re black!
Girl: I am not black. What are you talking about?
Guy: It’s a metaphor. Do you know what a metaphor is?
Girl: Yes — it’s a giant flaming rock that comes out of the sky. You never make any sense.
Seattle, Washington
Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!
Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I’ll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don’t care.
Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.
Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.
Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it’s not fucking twelve! I’m not fucking stupid, you know!
Boyfriend: You’re, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?
Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!
King Soopers Dairy
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: We were right to point and laugh
Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn’t!
Girl: You couldn’t get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.
Elkhart, Indiana
Overheard by: ashley
Chick: I just don’t want any commitments right now.
Dude: Can we still be fuck-buddies?
Caribou Coffee
Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Girl, almost running into parking meter: Whoops.
Guy: Holy crap! Did you really just do that?
Girl: Shut up. [Guy gradually edges her off to the side.] … Are you trying to make me actually run into one?! [Guy laughs.] Ughhh, I am so withholding sex.
Guy: Wait, wait! I didn’t mean it!
Church Street and 7th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
Man: I feel it more in my shoulders than in my colon.
Woman: I don’t feel it in my colon either!
http://overheardinjxn.blogspot.com/2005/12/man-i-feel-it-more-in-my-shoulders.html
Guy to girlfriend: I wasn’t rooting for you. I was rooting for the hyenas.
Monterey, California
Overheard by: me too
