Girl with squeaky shoes, to mom: Not only am I looking pudgy today, but these shoes keep making fart sounds! I’m wearing fart-shoes, and I hope you’re satisfied!
Kohl’s
Framingham, Massachusetts
Girl with squeaky shoes, to mom: Not only am I looking pudgy today, but these shoes keep making fart sounds! I’m wearing fart-shoes, and I hope you’re satisfied!
Kohl’s
Framingham, Massachusetts
Hoochie: I strategically wore a skirt and he didn’t even try anything!
West Campus
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Molly
Hobo to cardboard box that fell out of his cart: I hate you with a passion! A very strong passion! And a very strong hate…
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lindsay
Girl in lunch line: Why are there fucking bamboo shoots in this stir fry? What do they think I am, a koala?!
Wellesley College
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Drunk mother to drunk daughter: Your sister is appearing on stage nude and you’re living with a lesbian! I raised you girls too liberal!
Chez Charlie’s Cocktails
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: MustangSally
Ghetto hoochie stoner: I can’t remember nothin’ ’bout nothin’. My long-term memory is ’bout to get shot.
Outside of City Hall
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Old lady to friend: … And the husband’s given up the Viagra for Lent, so I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself!
Dublin
Ireland
Overheard by: future old lady
Dutch employee: Well, I don’t like your American style and I don’t like your American way, and I don’t want to speak English anymore [walks off].
American chick, to colleagues: Keep that bitch away from me or she’s dead.
Major bank
Amsterdam
Netherlands
Mom: So, how long are you going away with those people?
Daughter: The whole weekend. The whole fucking weekend with those morons!
Mom, reflecting: God… We’ll need to buy you a lot of booze.
São Paulo
Brazil
Drunk guy #1 to guy he just met: I just get sick of people when they come over. My dad, my brother — after an hour, I’m sick of them.
Drunk guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah. And another thing I hate? Let’s say you come over tonight and spend the night — you can’t sleep on the couch.
Drunk guy #2: Why not? Where would I sleep?
Drunk guy #1: Because there are no sheets on it! I don’t want your body fluids on my couch. But you could sleep in the bed.
Panini’s
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Is that an offer?
