Overheard at Stanford

Dude to friend: I was sitting and then it squirted all over my shirt…


Guy: I think the reason I’m attracted to lesbians is their indifference to men.


Dude: Wait, so is the stronger acid HCl or H2O?


Sweet-toothed student: If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?


Virgin: He has to save the universe! Do you know what that’s like? Do you know what that feels like? No! Because you’re not Luke Skywalker!


Girl: Slower, and harder. Down!
Guy: You’re very patient.


Girl: No, no! Vicodin is bad! Vicodin is bad, Percoset is good!


Sensible chick to dude: Look, you can only have one dick, and it can’t be your entire body.


Overheard by: bob

Professor: Who can tell me the difference between a birch tree and a beech tree?
Student: A beech tree’s got lighter bark.
Professor: But otherwise there’s no difference?
Student: I dunno ’bout the leaves or anything, but when you buy furniture from IKEA, beech wood’s always lighter.
Professor: But could you identify a birch tree from a beech tree if you saw one on campus?
Student: If I cut it down, maybe.


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