And You’re Too Young for Croquet

Little girl: Mommy, I know where ’em at.
Mom: Where? Show me.
Little girl: Right here — here are those big things you stick between your legs.
Mom: No honey, I need your dad.

Mansfield, Texas

Posted on June 1, 2023
Kids, Moms, North America, Parents, Texas, USA

But You Could Do That Now!

Future career counselor: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Future asylum inmate: A crazy person that likes to be alone.
Future career counselor: Like a snarly recluse?
Future asylum inmate: Like the Unabomber.

Wausau, Wisconsin

Posted on April 20, 2023
Jobs & Careers, Kids, North America, Should have used a condom, USA, Wisconsin

No. And Stop Snorting That Flour

Little girl at checkstand: Mommy, I want to drink my soda out of a paper bag, just like daddy!

Safeway
Lakeport, California

Overheard by: Corinna

Posted on December 16, 2022
California, Drinking & drunks, Kids, North America, Should have used a condom, Stores, USA

I Leave the Details to My Subordinates

Girl on cell: What do you want? I’m in a fucking dressing room… Oh yeah, I guess there was a stabbing earlier… What? It’s not like I was the one stabbing people!

1576 NE Halsey
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: really?

Posted on June 9, 2022
North America, On the phone, Oregon, Stores, USA, Violence

Yes, I Found Out What I’m Doing Now Is Illegal

Woman on phone, sobbing and screaming: We have two beautiful children, and you want to stick your dick in someone else?

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Posted on April 5, 2022
California, Infidelity, North America, Relationships, Sex, Tourist attractions, USA

Knowing She's Got the Biggest Package in Town

Frat boy #1: Wait… so they didn't rape her?
Frat boy #2: No dude, turns out she had a penis. Now every time I see the girl I throw up a little in my mouth.

Laramie, Wyoming