Movies

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm…
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado

Or, As in This Case, at Least Come Out Even

Girl #1: I'm so high.
Girl #2: Oh, I don't do that anymore, last time I was high I gave a two-hour blow job.
Girl #1: Oh my god, did a little piece of your soul die?
Girl #2 : Not really, Jesus Christ Superstar was on in the background.
Girl #1: Oh, well, musicals make everything better.
Girl #2: Definitely.

York, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jess

But Why Would You Trust Her After She Traded Your Cow for Magic Beans?

Dude #1: So yeah, Kayla* got me kicked off the ski trip because I gave her ten bucks to buy some food. And she bought scissors. Fucking scissors. And apparently I'm not stable enough to have scissors and they think I'll fucking stab someone with them. And she gave me back $2.48 in change. The scissors were from the fucking dollar store. They couldn't have been that expensive. Next time she sits on my lap in math class I'm gonna call her a pick-pocket.
Dude #2: Okay, great story. Now shut the fuck up. I missed half the fucking dialogue of Cloverfield.

West Edmonton Mall
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Trying to watch Cloverfield

Simulated, Just the Way You Like It

Woman: …and Scarlett Johansson is in it.
Husband: Really? Okay, let’s go.
Woman (to ticket seller): Oh, now he’ll watch it.
(they enter the theater)
Husband: And you said sex too, right?

Movie Theater
Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Like Kathy Griffin

Boy: So, if you’re afraid of the leprechaun from that one movie, does that mean you’re afraid of the lucky charm leprechaun too?
Girl: No, no, no. I’m only afraid of the *real* ones.

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: Amused

That’s What You Said During Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Random kid: Oh god! This is going to turn into a pregnancy fetish porno.

While seeing Juno
Peabody, Massachusetts

True That

Dude: “I am Legend”? God, learn to grammar.

High School classroom
Englewood, Colorado

For One Thing, He Looks Less Like a Gay Man

[Beauty & the Beast sing-a-long.]Drunk girl: Is it just me… or is the beast-beast hotter than the human beast?

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Might Want to Start Off with “I’m Straight.”

Girl: Look, you have to tell her.
Guy: I can’t tell her! I’ve kept this for so long!
Girl: If she really loves you that much she’ll understand.
Guy: How can I tell the girl that I love that I don’t like musicals?!

Bruin Walk, UCLA
California

Overheard by: if that’s the worst thing in your relationship…

Why Is It Putting on a Dress and Heels?

Guy in crowd evacuated from theater due to fire alarm: This is all a marketing trick… Just watch — any minute now one of those fire trucks is going to transform!

Transformers showing, AMC Theatre
Paramus, New Jersey

Overheard by: JoBell

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