Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.

High School
Calgary, Alberta

Girl to boyfriend: Why'd you go and tell all the guys on the fifth floor that I have some crazy fetish with lubricating foods?
Guy: I didn't say anything!
Girl: Well, they were talking about the Nutella.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Laura G.

Guy: It was like trying to pull candy from a baby.

West Island

Student to college secretary: Have any peppermints?
Receptionist: As in candy?
Student: Yeah. Peppermints.
Receptionist: Um, no?
Student: What kind of a dumb-ass school doesn't have peppermints?!?

University for Women

Overheard by: Megan S.

Little girl to popsicle: And then I'm going to lick you and suck on you until you melt all over me.
Concerned mother: Kelly! I told you not to talk to popsicles!

Overheard by: Ian

Male student: I like your Skittles.
Female student: Don't look at them!

Eveleth, Minnesota

Overheard by: deathmap

Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!

Eau Claire, Wisconsin

40-something suit: You know how sometimes you can love a dog so much it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman: (looks at him blankly)
40-something suit: You know? So that it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman, looking straight ahead: Umm, let's look at Halloween candy.

Overheard by: I love my dog, but not that much

Chick to friend: I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell!

Missouri State University
Springfield, Missouri

Overheard by: Carri Jo