If the Universe Doesn’t Get You First

Math professor: Now, if there’s one thing you can’t do in Mathland, it’s divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.

Bellevue Community College
Washington

Overheard by: The Kid

Posted on August 30, 2025
Education, Teachers, Threats, Washington

Which Was My Platform When I Ran for Congress

Professor: Facts are doo-doo.

UC Davis
Davis, California

Overheard by: Biology Student

Posted on August 27, 2025
California, Education, Teachers

In That I Know It’s True, but I Can’t Prove It

Student: Professor Barnes*, can you please explain where you got the last line there?
Professor: [Looks at blackboard, turns back to the class, and clasps his hands] It came from God.

University of Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: stopped going to class after this

Posted on July 24, 2025
Canadia, Education, God, Students, Teachers

Which I Would Know Absolutely Nothing About.

Poli-Sci professor on impeachment of federal judges: Once they’re there, they’re nearly impossible to remove… They just keep hanging in there… Kinda like herpes.

Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Posted on July 17, 2025
Education, New York, Politics, STDs, Teachers

So Much Easier to Imagine What Economics Might Be

Northeastern University girl: I’m so nervous about that Economics test…
Northeastern University guy: Oh, that? That class is so easy. You just have to go to class.
Northeastern University girl: See, if I go to class, I get confused and don’t get it, so I don’t bother going anymore.

39 bus
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: let me clue you in

Posted on July 13, 2025
Education, Gripes, Massachusetts, Students

Like There Was Some Connection between Reading and Earning

Elementary education major, about first grader: … And my kid was like, ‘I really wanna be a good reader, so I’m gonna read books every day so I get better. Like, Christ, kid, you don’t have to try so hard — you’re not getting paid.

University of Delaware
Delaware

Posted on July 11, 2025
Delaware, Education, Idiots

If the Dads Are Paying Tuition, That’s Already Happened

Student #1: I gotta take Psychology next semester.
Student #2: Fuck no — too much reading.
Student #1: Sucks, man.
Student #2: Yeah, who cares if we all want to fuck our dads?
Student #1: Not me.
Student #2: Me either.

Men’s room, College
Farmington, Connecticut

Overheard by: hoppersitter

Posted on July 8, 2025
Connecticut, Education, Students

Which Is Fancy Language for “Written While Stoned”

Guy: … But in a collision between a goat and a castle, who would win?
Chick: I think the goat would. It’s quite a big goat.
Lecturer: Remember — it’s allegorical.

History seminar, British university
UK