Names

But Why Would You Trust Her After She Traded Your Cow for Magic Beans?

Dude #1: So yeah, Kayla* got me kicked off the ski trip because I gave her ten bucks to buy some food. And she bought scissors. Fucking scissors. And apparently I'm not stable enough to have scissors and they think I'll fucking stab someone with them. And she gave me back $2.48 in change. The scissors were from the fucking dollar store. They couldn't have been that expensive. Next time she sits on my lap in math class I'm gonna call her a pick-pocket.
Dude #2: Okay, great story. Now shut the fuck up. I missed half the fucking dialogue of Cloverfield.

West Edmonton Mall
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Trying to watch Cloverfield

Another Bird-Borne Illness Hits California

Moviegoer: I thought Carla didn't have a boyfriend because she got frumpy.

Landmark Theater
Los Angeles, California

You Only Get Circumsized Once, Sweetie

Mother to four-year-old in doctor's waiting room: Come on, Sam*, we're next.
Sam: Are we seeing the doctor?
Mother: Yup.
Sam: (pause) Well, okay. As long as he doesn't look at my penis.

Hurstbridge Medical Center
Hurstbridge
Australia

Their Births Were Heralded by a New Star

Man to date: Kim Jong-il is one. Your stepfather is another.

Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Joy

Kiss Me, KKKate Runs Into Trouble in Rehearsals

Girl #1: Jane*, I've gotten worse…
Girl #2: At what?
Girl #1: At hating Jews.

Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Laughing hysterically

Only I'm Smart Enough to Charge for It

Girl #1: Oh my god, Jen* is such a skank!
Girl #2: Yeah, but if I was that good-looking I'd be a slut too!

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kat

It's Easily Mistaken for a Leak in the Basement

Galveston woman: I swear, when I first met Sheila 20 years ago she looked middle-aged. She still looks middle-aged.
Guest from California: Maybe she discovered the fountain of middle age.

Galveston, Texas

Overheard by: Chas

Which Is Why Everybody Loves Her

Middle school guy #1: Dude, look at Raymond and tell me he doesn't look like my dad's girlfriend.
Middle school guy #2: What? No way!
Middle school guy #1: It's true. She looks just like Raymond, except she has a woman's body.

Coal Hill, Arkansas

Power Corrupts, Short-Lived Power Corrupts Immediately

Teacher: I’m leaving for a few minutes. Ted*, you’re in charge.
Ted*: Alright, everyone get naked.

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Smart Travelers Postpone That Recognition As Long As Possible

Pilot over loudspeaker: It’s 40 degrees outside and sunny, and we will be landing shortly. Welcome to… Where are we? Oh. Philadelphia! Welcome to Philadelphia!

Flight over Pennsylvania

Overheard by: And he’s flying this plane?

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