Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No

Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on April 4, 2026
Birthing, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Education, Happiness, Holidays, Pregnancy, School [Elem., Middle, & High]

While Headbanging, My Mom Broke Her Own Neck

Spanish prof: What’s the difference between a stone and a rock, English speakers?
Student #1: A stone is smooth and near water.
Student #2: A rock is big, like you can’t pick it up.
Spanish prof: Well, that would make sense. I mean, we stone people to death, we don’t rock them to death.
Cute girl student: It’s happened before.

De Anza Community College
Cupertino, California

Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl has a little crush on her

Posted on April 2, 2026
California, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Education, Girls, Questions, Students, Teachers, Words

I Want the Human Race to Pack This Planet Like a Sausage

English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn’t get pregnant… That’s what I do.

Montevallo, Alabama

Posted on March 26, 2026
Alabama, Cum, Default, Education, Euphemisms, Pregnancy, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers

For Instance, If the State Wants to Mix Stripes and Plaids

Bimbette government teacher, explaining checks and balances: So then, like, the national government says to the state government, “Um, you can’t do that, you little… like, state.”

Canton, Michigan

Posted on March 25, 2026
Bimbettes, Education, Michigan, Politics, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers, Words

Out of What?

Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?

Dallas, Texas

Posted on March 21, 2026
Age and ageing, Animals, Default, Education, Guys, Kids, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Science, Teachers, Texas, Wishes

I Got Strung Up by My Ankles at an AC/DC Concert for That Mistake

English teacher: A rhetorical question is a question you don’t expect an answer to. When a band yells, “Are you ready to rock?”, they’re not actually expecting someone to yell back, “Not quite, give us a couple more minutes.”

Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee

Posted on March 17, 2026
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers, Tennessee, Words

Remember How I Said I Couldn’t Come to Class Yesterday Morning Because I Was “Tied Up”?

Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on March 15, 2026
Advice, Connecticut, Education, Geography, Insults, Teachers

The Professor Accused Me of Spreading It on Too Thick

Male art student: I’m in a creative writing class and I’ve been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.

Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 13, 2026
Class, Compare and contrast, Education, Food, Guys, Pennsylvania, Students

…Whom I’d Started Dating in Geometry

Boy #1, talking to friend in between classes: Hey what did you do in English?
Boy #2: Oh… I broke up with Jessica*.

Berryhill High School
Oklahoma

Overheard by: BlakeMas

Posted on March 12, 2026
Compare and contrast, Education, Guys, Oklahoma, Questions, Relationships, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teens

They’re Instrumental in Getting High?

Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn’t want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things… Bongos, right?

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Erika

Posted on March 11, 2026
Class, Drugs, Education, Geography, History, Michigan, Music, Students, Teachers, Words

Education