Hobos

Loud hobo with wet pant leg: I pissed my pants! I got to get home to my wife to show her I pissed my pants! I got to teach my kids how not to piss their pants! I can’t believe I pissed my pants!

Washington, DC

Hobo: Hello, little girl.
Four-year-old girl: I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.
Hobo: Well, your vagina smells like vomit! [Mother gasps.]

Amherst, Massachusetts

Hobo: Look, the pope!
Man: Like I’m going to fall for that!
Hobo, minutes later: Look, Batman! [Man turns and looks.]

Week the pope is in town
São Paulo
Brazil

Hobo to cardboard box that fell out of his cart: I hate you with a passion! A very strong passion! And a very strong hate…

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: Lindsay

Hobo, pointing to passerby: God is going to cum all over your face!

Westwood Village
Los Angeles, California

Hobo drinking coffee to lady passerby: I’d offer you some, but it’s not that good.
I like it black. And sweet. Ten sugers… This tastes like crap!

In front of coffee truck, 135th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Kier

Crazy hobo passing out flyers: The animals eat the vegetables, and we are the minerals…
Girl, rejecting flyer: No, thanks. I’ve got one already.
Crazy hobo: You’re a communist transvestite on Mars!

Isla Vista, California

Hobo: Wow, you look just like Billy Idol!
Blonde: Um, thanks.
Hobo: No, really. You look good, girl. Wanna share some of my wine?
Blonde: Um, no thanks. I’m good.

San Diego, California

Hobo #1, holding gallon of water: I’ve been trying to drink a lot of water. You need to clear that toxic shit out. You collect lots of, uh, what they called? Endorsements. Your body just builds up these endorsements, and they poison you! I think that’s what they’re called… You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods knowingly.]

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rich

Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I’ll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana