Washington, DC

Old woman: That’s the problem with men — they treat kids like little adults instead of like–
Younger woman: –Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.

Washington, DC

Mom: Do you remember what the name of this river is, Billy?
Son: Is it the Platonic River?

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Keith

Suit: I always enjoy going to Comic-Con because of the midgets in costumes.

Dulles Airport
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Becka

High school boy: Damn, this is the part where we go over the ocean! I hate this shit! Every day going over the ocean! Shit!

Yellow Line train crossing the Potomac
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Not afraid of the Potomac

Girl: The schedule says ‘Icebreaker activity.’ Do you think that will involve a lot of bodily contact?

Washington, DC

Loud hobo with wet pant leg: I pissed my pants! I got to get home to my wife to show her I pissed my pants! I got to teach my kids how not to piss their pants! I can’t believe I pissed my pants!

Washington, DC

Smug male hipster law student: I don’t do gender-bending anymore — it almost always leads to bar fights.

Washington College of Law
Washington, DC

Overheard by: If it weren’t for my horse…

Girl #1: … And his sack — it fucking smelled like a carnival.
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Like barnyard animals and carny folk… And kinda like hay.
Girl #2: Well, I told you not to hump someone who is from West Virginia!

M Street and Wisconsin Avenue
Washington, DC

Overheard by: NinaBeana

Cute toddler boy in giant sombrero: I’m running amok! I’m running amok!

Georgetown Cafe
Washington, DC

Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees…

Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC