Annoying girl: Are you ignoring me? Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike.
Mike, apparently: God, I wish chivalry was dead.
Annoying girl: What’s chivalry?
Mike: It’s what’s keeping me from smashing your head open with my cock.
Diner
Washington, DC
Park ranger on horseback to another: We have to stay inside the perimeter or else… [thoughtful pause]… we will be outside the perimeter.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: three amigas
College guy to group, confused by crowd at ten a.m.: I always forget there’s this whole subculture of people who get up before noon.
Connecticut Avenue and R Street
Washington, DC
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, dude, I really need to get my stuff together. I’ve already graduated college and I still live like I’m in college.
Old frat boy #2: Yeah, don’t mess around and end up like Mike* — he’s about to have a second kid. Both of them were mistakes.
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, I always make the girls I have sex with stand on their heads after. I’m so glad that urban legend is true.
Old frat boy #2: Haha, yeah, I always make the girls I hook up with do post-coital jumping jacks.
Metrobus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Tyler
Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hadn't seen it
Frat boy: Indian food can't be any good! I mean, if it was, they'd have chain restaurants!
Washington, DC
Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.
Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC
Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don't have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?
Subway
Washington, DC
Important looking man on cell: So, apparently, Georgia is being occupied by Russia. What this means to us is… Oooh! Toothbrushes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ak
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I'm Jewish
