Employees

Newbie: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor: When it looks like French toast.

Oceanview Terrace dining hall, UCSD
San Diego, California

Office whiner: The weather conditions in here are unacceptable.
Manager: Huh?
Office whiner: This office has been climatically compromised, and I have to go home to be warm, and with full pay.
Manager: Sorry, that’s not an option.
Office whiner: Well, then I deserve hazard pay for working under these conditions.
Manager: Again, I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen.
Office whiner, agitated: Well, fine! But I don’t like being cold! [Stomps off to cube.]Manager: Neither do I.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/

Pushy rug salesman: Look at these beautiful rugs! How great would they look in your home?
Woman: Yeah, you know, I don’t really need a rug…
Pushy rug salesman: Well, nobody needs a rug!
Woman, angrily: Well, then why are you selling them, sir?!

671 South La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: I don’t really need a rug, either

Bar manager: So, did you watch that film I gave you?
Bouncer: Yeah, man — I couldn’t get past the opening credits without a box of tissues.

Bar
Westchester, New York

Overheard by: Tom

Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!

Richmond, Virginia

Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um…they're throwing rocks at the windows.

Library
Suburbia, Illinois

Overheard by: martha

Hispanic cleaning lady, about being a nurse in Mexico: It's not like over there, like say, if you accidentally kill an old person, you have to buy another one.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: high school aide

Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, you're going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20-something girl intern: But I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on an important call. Can't I just walk through?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking “hey, can I park my car here?”

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/insert-inappropriate-terrorism-joke.html

Overheard by: Ian

Customer, browsing selection of charm bracelets: Do you have any Nazi charm bracelets? My daughter loves that stuff!
Craft vendor: Uh…no.

Craft Show
San Diego, California