Employees

Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um…they’re throwing rocks at the windows.

Library
Suburbia, Illinois

Overheard by: martha

Hispanic cleaning lady, about being a nurse in Mexico: It’s not like over there, like say, if you accidentally kill an old person, you have to buy another one.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: high school aide

Sweet‐ass security guard: Miss, you’re going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20‐something girl intern: But I’m not a terrorist, and I’m on an important call. Can’t I just walk through?
Sweet‐ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking “hey, can I park my car here?”

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/insert-inappropriate-terrorism-joke.html

Overheard by: Ian

Customer, browsing selection of charm bracelets: Do you have any Nazi charm bracelets? My daughter loves that stuff!
Craft vendor: Uh…no.

Craft Show
San Diego, California

Receptionist to executive assistant: …so in conclusion, I got peed on…by a taxi driver…who I dated.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/316536671/and-it-didnt-work-out.html

Overheard by: Ian

Student: I have that song “Ring My Bell” in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It’s not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don’t know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song “In the Navy.“
Advisor #2: That’s not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.

El Paso, Texas

Overheard by: Disco Dan

Waitress: You were a hungry bunch of monkeys, weren’t you?

Fredericksburg, Virginia

Reporter, at man’s house after he hit someone at a kids’ soccer game: Sir, how do you feel about your behavior?
Man, coming up to the door holding bowl of macaroni and cheese: I am ashamed. I slap my own face.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you’re in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don’t kill nobody!

Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada

Overheard by: Philly Joe