Much Better Than That Stupid Mel Gibson Speech

Girl with fake sword to group of fifty kids with fake swords (prepping them before their war in the park): Today is not about living, today is about dying. You will die at least 100 times today. And you will love it!

Clark Park
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: afraid of kids

Posted on June 28, 2023
Death & dying, Default, Feelings, Games, Girls, Kids, Pennsylvania, Violence

Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns

Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!

Philippines

Posted on June 26, 2023
Asia, Fears, Kids, Moms, Parenting

Only with Two More X’s

Little girl: Mom, what’s a prostitute?
Mother, nervous: Uh, a woman who does extreme cuddling for money.
Little girl: Extreme cuddling X Games?!

Denver, Colorado

Posted on June 17, 2023
Colorado, Default, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Money, Questions, Sexuality, Words

Stop Making Your Eyes Glow This Minute, Missy!

Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Joe Oxford

Posted on June 16, 2023
Arizona, Death & dying, Kids

Crap –I Hate Eighteenth-Century Make-Believe

Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he’ll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.

Mount Vernon, New York

Posted on June 4, 2023
Games, Girls, Kids, Leisure, New York, Offers and requests, Religion, Sexuality, Weirdness

And You’re Too Young for Croquet

Little girl: Mommy, I know where ’em at.
Mom: Where? Show me.
Little girl: Right here — here are those big things you stick between your legs.
Mom: No honey, I need your dad.

Mansfield, Texas

Posted on June 1, 2023
Kids, Moms, North America, Parents, Texas, USA

Tragically, Many Kids Don't Recognize a Vegetable When They See One.

Mom, with neck tattoo reading “ape” to toddler daughter picking produce: Put that back. That is not what you think it is.

Wal-Mart
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Kathyp

Posted on May 28, 2023
Kids, Moms, Offspring, Oklahoma, Parenting, Shopping

Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever

Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!

Faulconbridge
Australia

Posted on May 27, 2023
Australia, Body parts, Dads, Kids, Mouth, Parenting

At Auditions for the Next Forced-Sterilization Poster Girl

Girl to friends, emphatically: No, we have nipples so that we can milk our children!

Newton, Massachusetts

Posted on May 19, 2023
Default, Family ties, Food, Girls, Kids, Massachusetts, Nipples

Children Raised on Judge Judy Have a Unique Set of Problems

Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)

Small Town
Maine

Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal

Posted on May 19, 2023
Compare and contrast, Crimes, Default, Kids, Maine, Threats