Poop

Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It’s not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.

http://overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com/2006/07/cleanup-in-childrens-department.html

Thug to pit bull on leash: What time are you gonna shit? … No, seriously, what time?

Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: jchill

Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!

Public Restroom
Iceland

Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force

Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By “wasn't” I mean “was”, by “taking a shower” I mean “taking a dump”, and by “glass” I mean “bottle”. (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!

University of Northern Norway
Norway

High school girl: I’m so excited! I can’t wait to poop out just a little of this burrito!

Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin

Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]Girl: From your surprise. I don’t like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!

Boston, Massachusetts

Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That’s fucking weird, man.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Soundbite Lover

Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!

Airport
Minnesota

Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O'Henry while pooing.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Alywishus

Girl #1: I was sooo drunk. I woke up and there was shit all over the rug.
Girl #2: That's not good.
Girl #1: Yeah, I'm like disgusted with myself.

University of Delaware