Mom to screaming toddlers: No! You are the noisiest humans I’ve ever seen!

Franklin, Tennessee

Mom reading book: This says ‘odd.’ Do you know what ‘odd’ means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock — that was odd.

Red Line train
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh

Hey, Is That a Gypsy Over There?

Cranky mom: Don’t touch that!
Cranky four-year-old: I don’t like you!
Cranky mom: Good. I don’t like you, either.

Anaheim, California

Overheard by: Sally Ravenswood

Harried mom pushing stroller and toting three minions: Do you wanna see the llamas? We’re gonna see the llamas! Don’t you wanna see the llamas?!

Mom to 10-year-old son: I can’t wait until you’re 21 so that you can buy us beers.

T-Bones baseball game
Kansas City, Kansas

Overheard by: Teri

Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It’s not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.

Russian mother to young daughter: No, you are not going to eat crayons for lunch!

Nashua, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Crayola

Mother, reading newspaper: Dear God, another rapist is loose…
Six-year-old daughter: Mom, what’s rape?
Mother, uncomfortably: Um, that’s when a man forces a woman to have sex with him.
Six-year-old daughter: What’s sex?
Mother: Look! A bird!

Market Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Queen Of Spades

Mother: If a man ever hurts you, spit in his face, then cut his dick off and hand it to his mama.
Nine-year-old daughter: What if it’s my brother?

Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: rideabike

Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I’m 5’6″! That’s gay!

Baldwin Park, Florida

Overheard by: hmm… point taken.