Thuggish teen to friends: Yeah, I’m going antiquing this weekend. For at least an hour.

Orange Line Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

Fat, bike‐riding nerd, to no one: Turning on the afterburners… Yeah, baby… Accelerating!


Hot chick: I’m having a fantasia party; I made it a facebook event: Are you going to come?
Clueless girl: Whats a fantasia party?
Hot chick: Its for like chicks only, you hang out, drink and buy naughty stuff.
Clueless girl: I don’t get it?
Hot chick: What’s there to get? You come to my place, get drunk and buy sexy, naughty things?
Clueless girl: I still don’t get it.
Hot chick: Holy fuck! Its like a Tupperware party ‑only with dildos!


Overheard by: Make Mine 9 Inches!

40‐something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40‐something suit #2: Is that when you couldn’t go on the golf trip with the boss?
40‐something suit #1: Yes, that was it!

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe

College guy: I went to sleep‐away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!

University of Rochester
Rochester, New York

Sexy baseball coach: I was shooting pheasants, naked, in Boise, Idaho.

Columbia, South Carolina

Overheard by: Saywhat?!

Chick: Guess who’s a lesbian couple again instead of creepy incest twins!

Washington Monument
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Ladle

Ditzy blond: How many girls have you seen down there!
Ditzy guy with ditzy blond: Tons! Like, so many! (pause) Oh, okay! Fine! Six.

Great American Ball Park
Cincinnati, Ohio

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Barman to another: I was looking forward to being miserable this weekend, but it seems to have turned out quite nicely.


Overheard by: Raptor