Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever

Man to two‐year‐old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what’s missing?
Two‐year‐old daughter: The boogers in the nose!

Faulconbridge
Australia

Posted on May 27, 2023
Australia, Body parts, Dads, Kids, Mouth, Parenting

Guess Which One’s the Good Cop?

Six‐year‐old girl: Dad, I want to see snow!
Six‐year‐old girl’s twin: Me toooo!
Dad: But girls, it doesn’t snow down here – you have to go up north for that.
Six‐year‐old girl: Then let’s go up north!
Six‐year‐old girl’s twin: To the North Pole!
Dad: Yeah! But you know what, mom won’t let us.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Posted on February 1, 2023
Dads, Family ties, Kids, Louisiana, Parenting, Siblings, Weather, Wishes

90% of the Time, Your Kids Won’t Even Appreciate Your Brilliance

Small child, pointing to an “eat pussy” graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It’s a menu.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Chikara

Posted on January 19, 2023
Canadia, Dads, Default, Euphemisms, Family, Family ties, Food, Kids, Questions, Restaurants, Words

Her Idol Is Martha Stewart

Dad, seeing his little girl spit in a soda bottle: This is disgusting, nobody will want to drink from it now.
Little girl: I know, that’s why I did it.
Dad: That’s not nice. Smart, but not nice.

Pumpkin Farm
Half Moon Bay, California

Posted on January 6, 2023
California, Compare and contrast, Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Parenting

Your College Tuition Was Money Well Spent

Father: We went to the titty bar all the time when we were in Canada.
20‐ish daughter: I wish you wouldn’t use the word ‘titty.‘
Father: Why not? Titty, titty, titty. Titty, titty, titty.
20‐ish daughter: Cock, cunt, pussy, balls, dick.
Father: Point proven.

Connecticut

Overheard by: JPatrick

Posted on November 23, 2022
Connecticut, Dads, Words

And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn’t our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn’t our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you’ve got to stop saying that when we’re in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn’t!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?