Man to two‐year‐old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what’s missing?
Two‐year‐old daughter: The boogers in the nose!


Six‐year‐old girl: Dad, I want to see snow!
Six‐year‐old girl’s twin: Me toooo!
Dad: But girls, it doesn’t snow down here – you have to go up north for that.
Six‐year‐old girl: Then let’s go up north!
Six‐year‐old girl’s twin: To the North Pole!
Dad: Yeah! But you know what, mom won’t let us.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Small child, pointing to an “eat pussy” graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It’s a menu.


Overheard by: Chikara

Dad, seeing his little girl spit in a soda bottle: This is disgusting, nobody will want to drink from it now.
Little girl: I know, that’s why I did it.
Dad: That’s not nice. Smart, but not nice.

Pumpkin Farm
Half Moon Bay, California

Father: We went to the titty bar all the time when we were in Canada.
20‐ish daughter: I wish you wouldn’t use the word ‘titty.‘
Father: Why not? Titty, titty, titty. Titty, titty, titty.
20‐ish daughter: Cock, cunt, pussy, balls, dick.
Father: Point proven.


Overheard by: JPatrick

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn’t our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn’t our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you’ve got to stop saying that when we’re in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn’t!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?

Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She’ll kiss worse things in her life.

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Dad to five‐year‐old son: Do you want to get a practice doughnut?

Downyflake Donuts
Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: we were also practicing before real breakfast

Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.


Kid: Dad, can we get Pop‐Tarts?
Ponytail dad: No.
Kid: Why?
Ponytail dad: Because they’re… disgustingly poisonous!

Carrollton, Georgia

Overheard by: Kez