Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don’t know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.
Druid Hills, Atlanta
Overheard by: Miranda
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don’t have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can’t you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It’s snowing outside! You’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That’s all you do… All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!
204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Taryn
Adult woman to girlfriend’s six-year-old daughter: Oh honey! You got your knees all skinned up with boo boos! What happened?
Six-year-old girl, shrugging: Oh, you know… Boys.
South 4th St
Louisville , Kentucky
Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!
Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom
Mother to daughter: You don’t want to piss me off in the happiest place on earth!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Little boy: I don’t have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie…
Little boy: No! I don’t have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do…
Little boy: No, you’re a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Six-year-old girl, gyrating hips: Mommy! Mommy! This is how babies are made!
Mother: That’s nice.
Gap Store, Stanford Shopping Center
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: this is why I don’t shop at the gap
