San Francisco

College freshman: I keep making plans for my funeral, and they keep getting better!

San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Anne

Student: Isn’t all truth metaphysical by this standard?
Law professor: Are you stoned?

UC Hastings
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Loving this

Princess at front of bus: … And I went through seven laptops in high school.
Passenger: Oh, yeah? I went through ten laptops in high school!
Princess, offended: It’s rude to eavesdrop, you know!

5 bus
San Francisco, California

Hobo #1, holding gallon of water: I’ve been trying to drink a lot of water. You need to clear that toxic shit out. You collect lots of, uh, what they called? Endorsements. Your body just builds up these endorsements, and they poison you! I think that’s what they’re called… You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods knowingly.] 

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rich

Cop on radio: We’ve gotten a report from race security that there is a large Viking ship being rammed repeatedly into some garbage cans in the park.

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: geek whisperer

Hipster girl to friend: I heard the most offensive thing in Crate & Barrel!

San Francisco, California

Man walking down street: Dude… your woman just said “we need to talk.” You need to get the fuck out of there right now!

San Francisco, California

Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good…
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn’t this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I’m getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don’t really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It’s gross. We’re just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy‐eating story I’ve heard all day.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: TMI

50‐something man to 50‐something woman: You are not homeless. Homeless people don’t own dinnerware!

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Morpheus

Automated train station announcement: Castro street station.
Excited little girl: Yay! Castro!
Bystander: The dictator or the district?
Excited little girl thinks for a second: The rainbows!

Castro Street Station
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Dawn