Little boy: I don’t like your rules, Mommy!
Mom: They aren’t my rules, honey, they’re America’s rules.

Austin, Texas

Girl #1: I got a lot of color without being in the sun very much; just in the car.
Girl #2: I’m so jealous!
Girl #1: Well, I also went to the tanning salon…

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn’t our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn’t our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you’ve got to stop saying that when we’re in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn’t!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?

Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis… reduction… It’s too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until–
Man: –No.

Professor: Even my own mother tells people I’m a drug dealer.

High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!

Kenosha, Wisconsin

Mom: I don’t know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a GameCube last year and he loves it.
Five‐year‐old child (looks away from game display, shocked): But you told me Santa got me the GameCube!

Best Buy
Seattle, Washington

Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn’t. I’m going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn’t you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change…
Guy #2: Dude, there’s no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I’m trying to make myself feel better.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Beatrice

Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents’ friends seem really really fake.

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas

Girl #1: There are these bees in Asia, and they like shoot venom at you and it like eats your skin or something.
Girl #2: Wow, that’s crazy, man! Remind me never to go to Africa.

High School
Scottsdale, Arizona