Lies

Child, about diorama: Mommy, is that real?
Mother: No, it’s all lies. Let’s go.

Museum
Washington, DC

20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that’s just my hand sanitizer.

Flight to Buffalo, New York

Blond boy: Mommy, what do llamas eat?
Mother: Little blond boys.
Blond boy, knowingly: Ohhh…

Waterloo Park
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Kelsey

Hobo: Look, the pope!
Man: Like I’m going to fall for that!
Hobo, minutes later: Look, Batman! [Man turns and looks.]

Week the pope is in town
São Paulo
Brazil

Midwestern tourist: Excuse me, are there any malls around here?
Local teen, in exaggerated accent: We don’t have malls in these here parts. Malls tempt the young ones to siiin. [Tourist leaves, scared. Teen then grumbles without accent] Fucking tourist.

Broadway and 4th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: pedestrian

Old nag, as train breaks down: Why’d we stop? What’s wrong?
Fellow commuter: We hit a buffalo.
Old nag: Really?!
Fellow commuter: Yes.

Worcester/Framingham Line to Boston, Massachusetts

Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency… But wasn’t that a much better answer?

Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil

Woman to boyfriend: Get back here so I can take a picture of you lying to me!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: Trying not to spit soda from my nose

Woman in line at the bank: I am thinking about leaving him. All he does is lie to me!
Friend: Oh? Lie about what?
Woman: Well, yesterday he bought me some of that Nutella spread? He said it was chocolate, but I know for a fact that it's hazelnut!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Little boy: I don’t like your rules, Mommy!
Mom: They aren’t my rules, honey, they’re America’s rules.

Austin, Texas