Overheard at Western

Professor: It’s like IKEA — you buy some furniture, think you can put it all together, you go home and fail and then go slit your wrists in the corner.


Overheard by: shawn

Girl: Hey, quit staring at my breasts!
Guy #1: Yeah, why are you staring at my girlfriend’s breasts?
Guy #2: Well, man, see… It’s like this — she’s like my sister.


Overheard by: lissa

Girl to stupid friend: If you’re going to lie, check your geography first.


Overheard by: stephanie

Chick #1: I have toothpaste on my crotch.
Chick #2: Uh… What?
Chick #1: I was brushing my teeth this afternoon and I got excited.


Overheard by: natalie

Guy #1: I totally told her I wasn’t with anyone else on my cruise, but I clearly slept with another girl!
Guy #2: Victory!


Overheard by: shannon

Girl: So, what did you do over the break?
Guy: Well, I beat off a lot.

Saugeen snack bar

Overheard by: eric

Chick #1: What’s wrong?
Chick #2: Today I spent, like, an hour getting a dog hair out of my eyeball.
Chick #1: What? How did you do that?
Chick #2: I don’t know, but every day I wake up with dog hair in my eyeballs.


Overheard by: christina

Chick: I just want to rub some ointment containing scopolamine and atropine on a broomstick, stick it in my cooch, and fly away!


Overheard by: tiffany

Girl #1, after watching lousy pick-up artist with her friend: So, was that your future husband?
Girl #2: He just gave me this feeling… It was like I’d never be warm again.

London Tap House

Chick on cell: I’m doing my paper on child euthanasia… Yeah, they’d have to be terminally ill, not just ugly kids.


Overheard by: natalie