Hobo to another: Well, I think I have a very nice smile.
Burlington, Vermont
Lady in late twenties to male companion: Where is my list of ugly people?
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/353043249/in-what-situation-would-that-list-be-useful.html
Overheard by: someone who would like to read that list
Drunk (just thrown out): I bet if had really big boobs you'd let me back in.
Cop working security for the club: No, actually we wouldn't.
Drunk: What, you don't like big boobs?
Cop: Not on dudes.
Drunk: Huh? No, I mean if I was a chick.
Cop: You'd make a really ugly chick.
Drunk: Huh?
Cop: Get the fuck out of here.
Nightclub
Scottsdale, Arizona
Female office worker: Once I was at this club and there was a mirror across from me. Not only did I walk into it and break it accidentally, but before I did it, I remember looking at myself and saying, “Who is this bitch?” and then, crash. I talked shit about myself and then I broke the mirror.
Walnut Creek, California
Overheard by: trose
Drunk girl to another drunk girl puking at the curb: Girl, it's okay girl. You're still cute, girl.
Greenville, South Carolina
Angry traveler: The flight’s canceled because of weather?!? Can’t you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma’am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.
O’Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: He’s not so Godlike
Guy #1: You’re beautiful… you’re beautiful.
Guy #2: No… but I’m not fuckable beautiful!
University of California, San Diego
Overheard by: whoa mango
Tall chick: I wish I could find a nice, tall guy.
Friend #1: My brother is 6’5″.
Tall chick: Is he cute?
Friend: Well…
Friend #2: He looks like a Mexican pedophile.
Tall chick: 6’5″, eh? I’ll think about it.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Customer (ordering a birthday cake for his wife): Can you put “You’re better lookin’ than your twin sister” on it?
Alpine Bakery
Concord, California
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I’m almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don’t even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that’s dragging me around to this stuff? She’s a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: “We’ll go through this together”. She says: “Ask the gods.” Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: “Tell me about yourself”. I say: “You mean the heroin addiction?” She says: “Really?” I say: “Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us.” Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women’s gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
