Weirdos of Winnipeg

Dude: … And I said, ‘Stop hitting me — I just shaved my knees!’

Girl to guy : Stop raping my bellybutton! If I wanted you to rape it, I’d let you!

Tech enthusiast: Wait, did you say ‘cyber sex’?
Dude: No — cyborg sex.
Tech enthusiast: Cyborg sex? That’s even better!

Frat boy: So, the prof walked into class and he looked right at me and he said, ‘Drew*, your right testicle is hanging out.’ That’s how he started the class!

Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis… reduction… It’s too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until–
Man: –No.

Pink-haired teen: You've never been on the bus before? Oh my god, we totally stole your bus virginity!

Overheard by: 66

Drunk golfer #1: Hey, he’s the guy who said he checks out his cousin’s ass!
Drunk golfer #2: I do not! … She’s totally hot! Seriously, she’s a fitness model!

Overheard by:

Man: Did I ever tell you about the time that a tick got stuck under the foreskin of my friend’s penis?