Family ties

Chick: So like three weeks ago, after I gave birth, we went to this club…

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Girl to friends, emphatically: No, we have nipples so that we can milk our children!

Newton, Massachusetts

Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I’m not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt

Female student: I feel like I have a really tough skin, because I was always teased by my dad from the moment I was born.
Male student (in very serious, philosophical tone): Scorn was your breast milk.

University of Southern California

Overheard by: Got milk?

Mother to teen daughter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pillow like last time.

Wal‐Mart
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa

Young woman on cell: I kiss my grandpa on the mouth, have I made out with him?

Palo Alto, California

Loud girl: And my mother said to me, “Well, I guess you’re an adult now, since you have adult sex.” And I was like, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” and she was like, “I opened your cupboard.” and I was thinking, “Oh shit!” because I’ve got a lot of shit in there. I’ve got porn, I’ve got a vibrator, a cock ring. I’ve got things she doesn’t even know what to call them!

University of Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Tall gay 20‐something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.

CVS
Boston, Massachusetts

Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn’t look good in these things…until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That’s why I don’t look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don’t wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!

Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania

Chick: Well, my mom wouldn’t let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.

Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado