Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I’ve got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like “I don’t see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
Frat boy #1: … And it just came out on her thigh. He didn’t even get it in. Just wound up on her thigh.
Frat boy #2, mumbling: Dude! I hate when that happens.
Frat boy #1: What?!
Frat boy #2: I said I ate some chicken.
University of Alabama, Alabama
Overheard by: CB
MIT frat boy #1: I’m just saying, everybody has a strip poker tournament during rush week. We need something different.
MIT frat boy #2: You mean, like, strip risk or battleship?
MIT frat boy #1: Um… Sure.
Chinese Restaurant
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Brian
Drunk college student: What’s up, man?
Tired-looking bum: Allah! Allah always be up.
Drunk college student: True. True. Holla’ at your boy.
Green Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: On my way to church
Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Guy: Dude, I’m totally getting sexiled by my pre-frosh tonight.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Blue Devils
Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It’s funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: should’ve stayed at the library…
College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin
Guy: You know what we should do this weekend? Roofie each other to see what it feels like!
Colorado State University
Colorado
Frat boy: So, last night I had a dream, and I was eating pussy. Of course, it was a caramelized pussy…
Goshen, Connecticut
Overheard by: sweet and sour
