Ladies who lunch

Woman #1, to table of friends: Well, I’m getting old, too. I’m getting wrinkles.
Woman #2: The thing is, you’re so fucking ugly that no one notices when you get old.

Overheard by: Me.

Woman #1, wearing an arm cast: Yeah, so my husband broke his hand now, too.
Woman #2: How’d he do that?
Woman #1: I ran it over with my car.
Woman #2: Why?!
Woman #1: Well, he ran mine over first!
Woman #2: I guess I can see that as a good reason…

Lady to friends: So, have you been to see the cadavers yet?

Restaurant Zoe
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

Lady #1: … And I don’t even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That’s hilarious!

B. Dalton – College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Overheard by: Darcy

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin’ Donuts
University of Rhode Island

Woman #1: Hey, you look good.
Woman #2: Thanks! I’ve been working out… Wanna feel my ass? [Protrudes her rear.]

Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: AmadeusMaxwell

Lady: … So she goes, ‘I don’t even know if it counts as sex. It was just, like, in and out in one second.’ And she’s only fifteen!

Restaurant, Belltown
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

50-year-old woman: I can’t wait to retire so I can drop acid.

Spokane, Washington

Woman: So then he said either I have to quit smoking, or I have to have a baby.

Outback Steakhouse
Leominster, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Amycakes

Woman: She’s 12 and she’s already having candlelight dinners!

Overheard by: girl in scrubs