Fat guy: You wanna see a hot picture?
Girlfriend: Yeah, I wanna see a hot picture.
Fat guy: It’s me with no shirt on… And I was rubbin’ m’nipples.

Columbia High School
Maplewood, New Jersey

Man: You spunt all our money!
Woman: Fuck you! You spunt the money — that’s who spunt the money!

Wichita, Kansas

Husband: I'm good at finding little kids' panties.
Wife: That's not a quality that you should announce.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I'm bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you…you were crying…sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.

Yellow Train
Washington, DC

Overheard by: entertained next to them

Boyfriend: But baby, I don’t want bloody arms!
Girlfriend: Then talk to me about my feet!

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Young boyfriend, trying to weasel out of seeing Legally Blonde 2: I… I just don't think I'm emotionally ready for the uncut version. Do you think I'm ready? I don't.
Young girlfriend: You should have pulled the “it might make me gay” card.
Friend: I think his way was more gay.
Young girlfriend: Which concerns me…

Scotrun, New York

Man to wife: You can bring the Beanie Babies if you really want.


Overheard by: Randy

Mid-50s man: Is this another parade, Barbara?
Wife: Yeah.
Mid-50s man: Aw, shit.

Anaheim, California

Woman: I told you, I will not use Downy fabric softener ever again. Pick something else!
Boyfriend: What? ‘Cause it says ‘April Fresh’? Oh, come on!
Woman: I don’t want anything with your ex-girlfriend’s name on it. I’m not gonna be reminded of April every damn time I do laundry.

Big 8 Grocery Store
El Paso, Texas

Boyfriend: If we were in person right now, I would totally suck your face right now.
Girlfriend: We *are* in person.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
(they walk on casually)

Memorial City Mall
Houston, Texas