Couples

Black guy kissing his girlfriend, looking into her eyes: Mmm… Your vagina’s so juicy.

Leaning on a school bus
Alabama

Overheard by: Joe

Annoying girl: Are you ignoring me? Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike.
Mike, apparently: God, I wish chivalry was dead.
Annoying girl: What’s chivalry?
Mike: It’s what’s keeping me from smashing your head open with my cock.

Diner
Washington, DC

Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No… I… I move you out of the way…

Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts

Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted

Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn’t take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn’t hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can’t believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred…
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.

Starbucks
League City, Texas

Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee

Woman to boyfriend: Get back here so I can take a picture of you lying to me!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: Trying not to spit soda from my nose

Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!

Richmond, Virginia

Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]Girl: Not by you, but, you know…

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.

Bookstore
Ocala, Florida

Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O'Henry while pooing.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Alywishus

Black guy: You keep hearing about how racist Britain's getting, it's pretty scary.
White girlfriend: Oh, totally. I think that before anyone in that country over 40 is allowed to make a public statement they should take a test that's like “is this quaint, or just racist?” and if they fail they shouldn't be allowed to say anything.
Black guy: That would be an awesome game show.

Calgary
Alberta
Canadia