Blonde tanning at pool: Someone set the alarm for five minutes — I’m gonna stare at the sun.

Columbia, Missouri

Male student during history class: Why are the women in these nude paintings so plump?
Professor: Because the artists had good taste.
Female student: That's right!

University of Missouri

Overheard by: Kathryn Bjornstad

20-something girl: When you go pee first thing in the morning, do you ever make a bunch of noises and you're not sure if they 're coming from your hoo-haw or your ass?
Friend: Umm…no.
20-something girl: Yeah, me neither.

University of Missouri
Columbia, Missouri

Girl: So I had a realistic dream last night.
Guy (uninterested): Uh-huh.
Girl: I had anal sex in the dream. But I've never had anal sex before. But it seemed realistic.
Guy (uninterested): Hmm.
Girl: So now I need to have anal sex to see if it was like in my dream.
Guy (suddenly interested): Yeah?

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: Sarah

Hipster kid #1: Kelsey, have you ever seen Fiddler on the Roof?
Hipster kid #2: No. I'm not a fan of Tennessee Williams.
Hipster kid #3: Um, I think you're thinking of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
Hipster kid #2: Yeah, whatever. I was close.

Missouri Botanical Gardens
St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: tennessee williams' groupie

Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!

Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Tiger Fan

Hipster girl to another: I consider myself single, except for the part where I have a boyfriend… so I can't cheat on him.

St. Louis, Missouri

Girl, pointing: That kid — he’s my new friend.
Friend: What? That tiny kid?
Girl: Yeah. You said I need a new friend. That kid is my new friend.
Friend: Whatever.
Girl: I think his name is Kyle.

Cosmo Park
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Old dude to another, reminiscing: You still got that briefcase with all that underwear in it?

Kansas City, Missouri

Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!

Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: keller-wish i’d gotten there fifteen seconds earlier