Blonde: I like berries. Kate, you should be a berry.
Kate: That can be arranged.


Student to friend: When she painted the banana, or vice-versa.

Colby-Sawyer College
New Hampshire

Overheard by: J.McC

Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Mia

Chick: … But it’s only about the size of a strawberry.
Dude: And all I’m saying is that a strategically placed strawberry can exert a surprising amount of pressure.
Random passerby: Right on!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: snickerpants

Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?

Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah

Overheard by: JC

Guy #1: What are those, zucchini?
Guy #2, with sandwich: No, they're cucumbers.
Girl: Oh please, they're like the same thing.
Guy #2: No, they're totally different. Not every phallic-shaped green vegetable is the same thing.
Girl (pauses): Why does everything have to be about penises with you?

San Diego, California

Overheard by: i just came here to clean the air ducts

Get Off That Muffin for a Sec.

Guy #1, smashing grapes: I'm making wine.
Guy #2: That's not how you make wine.
Guy #3: Yeah, you need yeast. Hey, Melissa, come here.


Enthusiastic teenager, waving hands emphatically: If you can deep throat a banana, you can suck a dick!

Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: If you can wax a car…

Girl #1, pointing to bag of peanuts: Are those your nuts?
Girl #2: No, they’re Bob’s* nuts.
[brief pause, then both girls begin laughing hysterically]Girl #1, after a few minutes: That was the stupidest thing ever.
Girl #2: You know you liked it.

Oakland, California

Overheard by: I laughed because I didn’t know what was going on

Voice over intercom: So, come out and buy some juice and support a good cause.
Girl #1: Um, what good cause?
Girl #2: I dunno. Fruit?

High School