Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Joe Oxford

Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

Mom to little kid: Shhh! She can’t help it if she’s fat!

Tucson, Arizona

Skinny sorostitute: Every time I see him he just makes me want to throw up.

Arizona State University

Overheard by: Lindsay

Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can’t get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!

Tempe, Arizona

Taxi cab driver: She ain't big, but she ain't little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.

Sierra Vista, Arizona

Overheard by: K

Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!

University of Arizona

Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Mia

Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, ‘I wouldn’t trust it as far as I could throw it,’ but I could throw that chicken pretty far.

The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Accurate…

Professor: Okay, let's review. What's it called when you put geological events in sequential order?
Basketball star #1: Calligraphy!
Basketball star #2: Naw dude, that's writing.
Basketball star #1: Oh yeah…that's what the Egyptians did, huh?
Basketball star #2: Naw, that's hieroglyphics, man.
Professor: The answer is “stratigraphy.” Let's move on quickly.

Geology 101
Mesa, Arizona

Overheard by: YeahKey