Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?
Rochester, New York
Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?
Rochester, New York
Older woman: So, I was at my parents’ house this weekend and there were some condoms sitting on the table…
Friend: What?
Older woman: Yeah. So I asked my mom, ‘Why do you need condoms?’ And she said, ‘It’s for easier clean up.’
Friend: Gross!
Older woman: Yeah… So that’s why I stopped asking my parents questions.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emily I
Twink #1: I don’t want to just date him for the weekend — I want something for the rest of my life.
Twink #2: You could die Sunday. That would be the rest of your life.
The Hippo
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Girl #1: Don’t sit on Lucy, the moose pillow!
Girl #2: You name your pillow?
Guy: That’s okay, I name lots of things. The cyst on my neck’s name is Doug.
Girls #1 and #2: Um…
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Maureen
30-something woman, crossing street in front of Sushi.Com restaurant: Sushi and cum, my two favorite things to eat!
Male companion: That’s my girl!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Guy: Nah, Ed, you can’t ever be creepy — you’re Asian.
Ed, indignantly: Dude!
Guy: I mean, unless you’re a ninja–
Passerby: –With a sword!
Algonquin Conference Center
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Guy: No one in America uses pennies anymore!
Girl: I use pennies…
Guy: Then you’re not American!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: nicklesg
Friend #1: It just gets yummier as you go from one shot glass to the next.
Friend #2: Which side do you start from?
Friend #1: It doesn’t matter.
Friend #2: … That doesn’t make sense.
Plano, Texas
Girl to guy #1: I hate you. I hate you so much! I hate you more than… Flotsam hates Jetsam!
Guy #2: Shit, dude, I’d watch out.
Jacksonville, Florida
Guy #1, to girl: Yo, if Mike and Dave lived together, how great would your orgasm be? [Girl is silent.]Guy #2: Yeah, your leg would be drenched all the time.
Girl: I’m a girl! You can’t say that to me!
Guy #1: Not with jizz! With lady juice!
Girl: Seriously! Stop!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
