30-something woman, crossing street in front of Sushi.Com restaurant: Sushi and cum, my two favorite things to eat!
Male companion: That’s my girl!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
30-something woman, crossing street in front of Sushi.Com restaurant: Sushi and cum, my two favorite things to eat!
Male companion: That’s my girl!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Guy: Nah, Ed, you can’t ever be creepy — you’re Asian.
Ed, indignantly: Dude!
Guy: I mean, unless you’re a ninja–
Passerby: –With a sword!
Algonquin Conference Center
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Guy: No one in America uses pennies anymore!
Girl: I use pennies…
Guy: Then you’re not American!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: nicklesg
Friend #1: It just gets yummier as you go from one shot glass to the next.
Friend #2: Which side do you start from?
Friend #1: It doesn’t matter.
Friend #2: … That doesn’t make sense.
Plano, Texas
Girl to guy #1: I hate you. I hate you so much! I hate you more than… Flotsam hates Jetsam!
Guy #2: Shit, dude, I’d watch out.
Jacksonville, Florida
Guy #1, to girl: Yo, if Mike and Dave lived together, how great would your orgasm be? [Girl is silent.]Guy #2: Yeah, your leg would be drenched all the time.
Girl: I’m a girl! You can’t say that to me!
Guy #1: Not with jizz! With lady juice!
Girl: Seriously! Stop!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Woman: Is he mad that his girl’s a whore?
Man: Yeah.
Winchester, Virginia
Guy: I went drinking last night, and when I woke up this morning to go to my final I was still drunk!
Girl: Ugh, don’t you hate it when you get drunk and you’re not sober?
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Randi
Short girl: I’m gonna go and buy you a birthday card.
Tall girl: Yeah, you didn’t buy me anything for my birthday!
Short girl: Yes, I did! I bought your fingers!
Tall girl: Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]
Magnolia Mall
Florence, South Carolina
Teen girl: God, sisters can be annoying.
Single child: I don’t have any. Hey, Abby*, do you have siblings?
Abby: Yeah… A younger brother who’s always calling for advice.
Breeder: Andrew, right?
Abby: That’s him. He’s always calling me. ‘Abby, I want to upgrade from dating stupid, ugly girls to pretty, ugly girls — how do I do it? Abby, what color looks better on me, cream or salmon?’
Only male: Right, the not-exactly-gay brother.
Abby, ignoring him: ‘Abby, I was watching porn and my penis twitched sideways — what do I do?’
Purple-haired girl: What?
Teen girl: I hate to admit it, but if my penis was twitching sideways, I’d call you for advice.
Breeder: So, did you know?
Abby: Guys, I was 13! Of course I didn’t know!
Only male: But you know now?
Abby, as entire group stares: … Three possibilities.
Only male: I’ll call you, then, if my penis twitches sideways.
Steak ‘n Shake
Arkansas
