Girl on cell, completely serious: There’s a party tonight, and the theme is bunnies.


Dude to friend: I was sitting and then it squirted all over my shirt…


Student: Oh my god, Suzie! What happened?!
Suzie: I got in a car wreck.
Student: With what?!
Suzie: … A car.


Overheard by: Chey

Man: I feel it more in my shoulders than in my colon.
Woman: I don’t feel it in my colon either!


Woman #1, wearing an arm cast: Yeah, so my husband broke his hand now, too.
Woman #2: How’d he do that?
Woman #1: I ran it over with my car.
Woman #2: Why?!
Woman #1: Well, he ran mine over first!
Woman #2: I guess I can see that as a good reason…


Man to another: Remember when we first started? We swung both ways.


Overheard by: bp

Designer suit on cell: No, dude, I talked to her. She’s definitely going to call the cops on us.


Dude: She totally sandbags! You know she sandbags?!
Chick: Like there’s a hurricane.


Overheard by: pineapple

Nerd: She was like, ‘That’s so cute!’ and then I came all over her face!

Baylor University
Waco, Texas

Overheard by: kindaDisgusted

Skinny blonde: So, yeah, my mom is dating this new guy who’s just kind of awkward and nerdy and, well, he’s just really bad at socialism.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Molly and Katy