Hobo, pointing to passerby: God is going to cum all over your face!

Westwood Village
Los Angeles, California

Nerd: She was like, ‘That’s so cute!’ and then I came all over her face!

Baylor University
Waco, Texas

Overheard by: kindaDisgusted

Professor to creative writing class: This is probably one of the smartest things I've ever stumbled upon in my life, so I shouldn't blow my load this early.

University of Wisconsin

Overheard by: Mixi

Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

Taco Bell, Delicious but Disgusting

Canadian woman #1: And they found DNA in it.
Canadian woman #2: What?
Canadian woman #1: Sperm.
Canadian woman #2: What?! Again?! That's it, I'm not eating there anymore.

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Rachel

Concerned-looking boyfriend: Yes, but it might not be kosher.
Indifferent Londoner girlfriend: I don't think it's an issue.
Concerned-looking boyfriend: I dunno… If I eat pork… And you suck me off… Does that mean my cum is non-kosher?
Indifferent Londoner girlfriend: Sweetie, I told you, I'm Jewish, but when it comes to jizz I just don't care.

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Girl: Don't have sex on the couch!
Guy: Why not? You can have sex on the couch, I don't mind.
Girl: Mhh, you wouldn't like that. I'm a fountain.

Overheard by: aylmer

Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn’t fuck her! I just came on her! … Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?

Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Drunk guy: Yeah, well, you could spunk on her face, then lick your jizz off her dreadlocks.

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it’s also high in calories.
Guy: Yes… It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman’s body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: … It produces babies!

Ottawa, Ontario