Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We’re gonna shoot ’em with our sperm cannons!

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

Taco Bell, Delicious but Disgusting

Canadian woman #1: And they found DNA in it.
Canadian woman #2: What?
Canadian woman #1: Sperm.
Canadian woman #2: What?! Again?! That’s it, I’m not eating there anymore.

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Rachel

Concerned‐looking boyfriend: Yes, but it might not be kosher.
Indifferent Londoner girlfriend: I don’t think it’s an issue.
Concerned‐looking boyfriend: I dunno… If I eat pork… And you suck me off… Does that mean my cum is non‐kosher?
Indifferent Londoner girlfriend: Sweetie, I told you, I’m Jewish, but when it comes to jizz I just don’t care.

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Girl: Don’t have sex on the couch!
Guy: Why not? You can have sex on the couch, I don’t mind.
Girl: Mhh, you wouldn’t like that. I’m a fountain.

Overheard by: aylmer

Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn’t fuck her! I just came on her! … Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?

Chick‐fil‑A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Drunk guy: Yeah, well, you could spunk on her face, then lick your jizz off her dreadlocks.

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it’s also high in calories.
Guy: Yes… It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman’s body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: … It produces babies!

Ottawa, Ontario

Male wedding‐goer to female wedding‐goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister’s husband, oh, I mean my brother‐in‐law, sells semen. Bull semen.

Overheard by: best pick‐up line ever

Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp object close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Seriously. Wouldn’t it be great if you were fucking someone’s ribs, and just as you came you punctured their lung, and with their last dying breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?

Biddeford, Maine

Woman: I orgasmed here once.
Friend, cheerfully: Oh, I’ve done that several times!

James Brown Arena
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa