Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn’t, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.
HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa
Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!
Waterloo, Iowa
Dude: I’ve been soiling myself for four days playing Guitar Hero.
Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa
English student #1: Girl, don’t even tell me you was where you was, ’cause you wasn’t there!
English student #2: Foo’! Don’t be tellin’ me where I is and where I isn’t! I is where I is at!
927 Franklin Street
Iowa
Overheard by: grammer teachah
20-something guy: I am not looking forward to this party we’re hosting. It?s going to be a bunch of underage frat boys, an orthodox Jew, and some crazy chick I used to fuck.
Ames, Iowa
Bartender: You again? I see you everywhere — you’re like a sewer rat.
Drunk guy: Well, I am an alcoholic.
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: doe
Mom to child: Do you know what that is, honey?
Child: No.
Mom: That's a mannequin.
Child (giggling): It doesn't have a head!
Mom: That's right. None of them do!
Iowa City, Iowa
Guy #1: Hey bro, your woman fat?
Guy #2: No. Fuck, man! What you talkin'? She my baby momma, that the baby in her bump!
Guy #3: You sure? She sure look fat to me.
Coralridge Mall
Iowa City, Iowa
Lady #1: … And I don’t even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That’s hilarious!
B. Dalton – College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: Darcy
Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.
Spencer, Iowa
