Slightly crazy lady to older man sitting nearby: Hey! You look like my uncle Smitty! Are you kin to me?
Old man, startled: Um, no, I don't think so.
Lady: Well, you never know. I did that genealogy thing and it turns out that I am kin to Pocahontas, Thomas Jefferson and half the men that died at The Alamo.
Dan's Hamburgers
Austin, Texas
Skinny girl to prettier friend: You can't toss him a mercy fuck every time his father dies.
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Gwen West
Annoying daughter: Ewww, don't order broccoli pizza. That's gross!
White trash mom: Smell my armpit.
Annoying daughter: Okay!
White trash mom: Here, smell this one too.
Roma Pizza
Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: grossed out
Hipster girl: I know a couple people who have to wear diapers when they drink!
Old Tavern Bar & Grill
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: kat
Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I’ll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
Girl to friend: Well, I woke up naked, again, with a quesadilla in my bed, again, so I say it was a pretty average night.
Eclipse de Sol Restaurant
Atlanta, Georgia
College girl #1: You laugh a lot during sex, then?
College girl #2: I think you have to laugh during sex. Otherwise it’s too solemn. I mean, sex is like: “Oh yeah, oh yeah, queef.”
Chinese Restaurant
Columbus, Mississippi
Overheard by: Megan S.
Suit to other: Then he kept trying to sell me this little boy for a dollar…
Taco Bell
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Brandon
Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn’t learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.
Kokomo’s
Linglestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: M.J.M.
20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn’t want to leave!
Denny’s
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I didn’t want to be at dennys
