High school physics teacher: You see, everything has a gravitational force, so everything is attracted to everything else. For example, I am attracted to this door. This… is a really… nice door. And this table — this is a really, really nice table… But I really like the door.
Massachusetts
Security guard to girls who set off alarms: It’s okay. Sometimes I steal things, too.
Boston, Massachusetts
Drunk guy: America is the greatest! If you don’t like it, get out! Out with the riff-raff!
Friend: Stanley the Racist would be so proud of you.
Drunk guy: Man, it was great seeing Stanley the Racist again. Next time I see him, I’m going to give him a big man-hug.
E line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: elena
Undergrad girl in pajamas: … So then the cops realized that they had the wrong guy on his knees.
Undergrad friend in pajamas: What? Why?
Undergrad girl in pajamas: ‘Cause the guy who did it had a ponytail.
Undergrad friend in pajamas: Damn! The coolest stuff happens after I leave.
Tufts University dining hall
Medford, Massachusetts
Guy: I’ve decided not to have an orgasm for the rest of the week.
Girl: God! Why?! You can’t have too many orgasms. It’s not like drinking too much!
Guy: I decide a lot of things.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Abstemious
Woman #1: I’m kind of bionic like that.
Woman #2: Yeah, it’s like you have a bionic uterus!
Harvard Medical School
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: glad mine’s not bionic
Professor with heavy German accent: Have a good weekend, and don’t get broken by pleasure!
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Biotech #1: They really need kennels for children.
Biotech #2: It’s called school.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I’m not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I saw it on TV.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachel
Dude: So, you’re from Austria, huh?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, like, kangaroos and shit?
Austrian foreign student: No, that’s Australia. Austria’s in Europe.
Dude: Oh, like Sound of Music?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: Like Lederhosen! Fahrvergnügen! Schwarzenegger!
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, do you believe in Hitler? [Austrian walks off.]
Boston, Massachusetts
