Six‐year‐old #1: I’m taking you to court!
Six‐year‐old #2: No you’re not!
Six‐year‐old #1: I’m taking you to court!
Six‐year‐old #2: No you’re not!
Six‐year‐old #1: You’re in court!
Six‐year‐old #2: No I’m not!
Six‐year‐old #1: You’re in court now!
Six‐year‐old #2: (begins to cry)

Small Town

Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal

Goth schoolgirl: So, I bought 500 feet of police crime scene tape today. Heheheh!


Overheard by: A vaguely worried teacher

Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you’re kinda drunk or something, they’ll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can’t even do that when I’m sober! I’ll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f… then j, maybe?

High School Gym Class

Overheard by: Myr Myr

Sweet‐ass security guard: Miss, you’re going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20‐something girl intern: But I’m not a terrorist, and I’m on an important call. Can’t I just walk through?
Sweet‐ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking “hey, can I park my car here?”

Overheard by: Ian

Girl: We need to go steal more diapers from Target.

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas

One of three bros, ordering a cake: And could you make it say, “Sorry we stole your car”?‑bottle-of-grey-goose-will-work-so-much-better.html

Overheard by: cake fixes all problems.

Woman to coworker: You’d think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn’t hide the evidence in their rear window.

West Lebanon, New Hampshire

Thug filling out employment application: Hey, when you say, ‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony?’ do you mean found guilty, or just sort of accused and arrested?

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: maybe he shouldn’t use the plastic silverware…

Teenage ghetto boy: That’d be great, man, if everyone died … They’d be gone, and we could take all their cars!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire

Crazy lady: Oh, no! Those teenagers did not just steal my outhouse!

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Aristide